To: head_porter.cowspan@gmx.co.uk
Dear Wat,
sorry to disturb you on your sick bed, we've had students going down like flies with this flu, and I've witnessed it's a bad one; housekeepers are also going off with it, but so far it's only yourself in the lodge who's affected.
I'm sending this to your work email as I know you monitor emails off-duty, or will do once you're well enough. When I was doing my weekly check of the defibrillator at College Boat Club earlier today, I found a sheet of paper that seemed to be a summary of minutes of a meeting. These are the details:
Concerned Citizens at Cowspan: Equitable Groceries Management
Therefore, the questions we demand answers to as regards the referendum on whether the Buttery should adopt the humane policy of going all-vegan are as follows:
- Why was the referendum question changed?
- Why did a tweet - which the Master has claimed responsibility for - state that the "losing" side had actually won?
- Why were all non-academic staff allowed to vote when some of them are part-time, and can eat at home?
There was also a handwritten note at the bottom of the sheet saying, "(in addition, students bring us funds, while non-academic staff divert those funds from valuable academic purposes (as valuable as the services of non-academic staff are...))"
I decided to keep it under my hat, as it's not unknown for mickey-takers to drop a bomb when the weekend's coming up. But whenever you get to reading this email, I'd appreciate your input.
Get well soon
Ricky
PS how's the "feminine" statue faring?
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