Lodge update: gearing up!

[head_porter.cowspan@gmx.co.uk]
[CONFIDENTIAL]

Dear all,

it's that time of year again! The last Summer School and B&B guests have left, so we've just started our maintenance fortnight before coming-up weekend.

First, a bit of history for new recruits. College was founded as Vachepont College in 1283 by Sir Roger de Vachepont, predominantly for the education of the children of workers on his estates, whom he would then place in his various businesses in England and France. After his death, during the Hundred Years War, the College's name was anglicised to Cowspan, but the village, founded by his ancestors after the Norman Conquest, not only remained Vachepont but split, Vachepont Magna being the hub of the village containing the amenities, St Elias Church and Vachepont Manor, and the part containing College and its grounds being designated as Vachepont Parva.

Which brings me to a point that, unfortunately, I have to make regularly. College Council receives all of the supply of Vachepont Elite from the family vineyards in return for matriculating two school-leavers from the village's Lepston Estate each year. (I'm told the Elite is indistinguishable from Vachepont Nouveau in blind tests, but that's another matter.)

Lepston is a contraction of Lepers' Town: the family established a safe haven for sufferers of leprosy with the village. Occasionally, some students from a better-off background find it humorous to refer to the Lepston matriculands as "lepers". Last year this spiralled to the point where one of the Lepston students walked out, which itself resulted in only half the usual amount of Vachepont Elite gracing the Fellows' Wine Cellar this year. The Master and Fellows are anxious to stamp out discrimination on economic background for once and all this year in its drive to combat oppression on campus, and I am therefore instructing you to report any comments about lepers or about charity drives for leprosy sufferers that might make their way to the lodge straight to me.

If you get parents doing a recce, you may be asked about our relationship with the University. We are partly in and partly out, hence the lack of University email addresses. Cowspan continues on its drive for full collegiate status, but the issue is our AAA course - Astrology, Alchemy and Anthopology - regarding which the head of the (very small) department does not possess a ph.D. Sir Roger specified that astrology and alchemy be taught, and challenges to his bequest have only resulting in the Vachepont family agreeing to tack anthropology on. If, hopefully, we are accepted fully in, we will become the University's oldest college. Nevertheless, students graduating for any course except AAA will receive a full College degree.

Please don't hesitate to contact me about any issues.

Wat

Charles Watson Tyler
Head Porter
Cowspan College
Vachepont Parva 
[CONFIDENTIAL]